100th Post

Ugh! Steve Jobs. I don't know whether to hate the man or to love him. Anyone who knows me is aware of my utter disgust toward cell phones. A lot of it has to do with being trapped in train carriages with loud-mouths blabbering about their latest stock acquisition colonoscopy, or being run off the road by goddamn mini-van / SUV-driving soccer moms clucking on their cell phones. I have steadily resisted owning one of these Satanic devices for decades. Digital leashes, I call them; Pavlov would be pleased.

But Steve, what have you done, Steve? You took an iPod; threw in a 3.5-inch multi-touch / wide-screen; dreamt up the sweetest cell phone interface ever; shoehorned a browser, email capability, maps, widgets, accelerometer, proximity sensor, micro-ICBM; slapped the Apple logo on it; blessed it with your coffee-laced-breath — still warm from Il Fornaio; and infused OS X into the veins of this digital manticore.

My gawd, I am about to genuflect.

And then, to top it off, you have, on your website, the gorgeous Sidney Bailey talk about a bicycle ride up Page Mill Road to Skyline Boulevard, one of my favorite rides (1), (2). This is really unfair, Steve! You know my irrepressible love for bicycles and my savage hatred toward cell phones. OMG, what are you trying to do? Make me buy one of these sexy, portable microwave ovens, fry my brain, and wander around like a Trekkie with a Bluetooth-enabled Borg implant?

I am still holding out. Make me one with a built-in taser, a survival kit, GPS navigation (with SiRFstarIII or better, mind you!), a 10-megapixel camera, submersible to 100 meters with built-in strobe, 2-hour video capability, and 168-hour battery life — then we will talk.

I still hate you.
You hear me, Steve?

By the way, I was wondering... you think I can trade in my 400 MHz 1st Generation Titanium PowerBook (2000) for some store credit?

Steve?